POST 1: Wecome Dear Reader!

"Did you know

that at the edge of a deep valley,

there is an excellent pine tree

growing up straight

in spite of the many years of cold?"

                                                                                  - Keizan

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WELCOME AND THANK YOU

A warm welcome to you, My Dear Reader! I am truly grateful for the gift of your presence; and I thank you for the privilege of sharing my healing experience with you.

DEDICATION

This blog is dedicated to all who - as a result of childhood experiences and conditions - know what it means to live long years in the cold.  With this writing, I honor you.


THIS BLOG IS ABOUT MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE IN HEALING A 40+ YEAR OLD PATCH OF PSORIASIS ON MY RIGHT PALM

This blog is about my personal experience in healing - accidentally at first - a patch of
psoriasis that had been on my right palm for over 40 years.  The initial healing was "accidental" in that I had been trying to heal the emotional and physical exhaustion that I experienced shortly after I retired, not my psoriasis.

Through this writing, I share with you my own best understanding of both the cause
of my psoriasis - and the cure.

THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF MY PSORIASIS WAS FEAR (OF DEATH)

Simply stated, I believe that my psoriasis was caused by a high level of unreleased build-up of fear.  

The fear had accumulated over many years, and was caused by a number of conditions and experiences of very early childhood.  I lived for most of my life with a deep fear - at times terror - of the consequences of failing to please, or of disappointing or angering others.  

Underlying this ever present fear was an extremely powerful yet almost entirely unconscious belief system.  I believed that I needed the assistance and care of others to survive.  I had no sense of security regarding my care, and believed that this necessary assistance and care were not guaranteed.  In fact, I not only believed that this necessary assistance and care could be withdrawn by the givers, but that it would in fact be withdrawn if I failed to please, or if I disappointed or angered the givers.  And so, the belief became deeply ingrained in me that pleasing others, and avoiding disappointing or angering them, was absolutely and literally essential to my safety and survival in the world.

These beliefs, by the way, were the result of a certain kind of early childhood.  A "cold childhood." A childhood largely lacking in physical and verbal affection, and characterized by indifference to certain expressed emotions and requests, and the withdrawal of attention and responsiveness by caregivers when displeased or angered (the "invisibility treatment").

THE CURE OF MY PSORIASIS:  RELEASING STORED FEAR & THE BELIEFS THAT CAUSED IT

The cure for me was a process made up of several different, but related, steps (to be described more fully in a later post).  But in a nutshell, for me the process involved the release of stored/unreleased fear and revising my belief system to eliminate the old fear-generating beliefs and replace them with new positive beliefs.

In fact - and as discussed in the posts - I believe that believe my body formed the patch of psoriasis on my palm as a kind of protective defense mechanism to serve as a release valve for fear energy.

The cure - in summary - was to release the stored fear - and to identify my current beliefs and to then correct/adjust my belief system so that I would not continue to accumulate excessive levels of fear.  

As I have released these energies and the beliefs that caused them, the psoriasis has gradually but steadily faded, and is now so faint as to be completely unnoticeable to a causal observer. 


A PERSONAL MESSAGE TO ALL WHO STILL SUFFER THE EFFECTS OF CHILDHOOD WOUNDS TO THE HEART, MIND AND SPIRIT

Though you may not yet know, believe, understand, see or feel it, and - despite the many
great hardships, sorrows and fears that you have endured - still yet there lies within you the unbroken and glorious spirit of that excellent pine tree, untouched by the cold.

And the day WILL COME when you too will . . .

REMEMBER . . . WHO . . . YOU . . . ARE.

And then, though the power of your own healing, you - and your life - will be transformed.

And as you continue to walk your own individual path - in your new life - you will leave the years of cold behind.

And then, My Dear Reader, you will . . . you will . . .

CALL    FORTH    YOUR    SPRING.

POST 2: My Psoriasis . . . Friend or Foe?

Was my psoriasis a friend or foe?

I used to think of my psoriasis as an enemy. I was wrong. My body had formed the psoriasis to serve as a "release" or "overflow" valve to protect me from a build-up of unreleased fear. The psoriasis itself was never my enemy: my fear was the primary enemy. My body in effect created the psoriasis as a way to protect me from . . . me.


For many decades - since very early childhood - I had lived a fear-based life. In a nutshell, I believed (largely unconsciously):


*that the assistance and care of others was absolutely essential for my literal survival (that is, I would perish without it);


*that this essential assistance and care of others was not a "sure thing";

*that in fact, this essential assistance and care could and would be withdrawn if I angered the caregiver;

*that in order to increase my chances of survival, it was both an intelligent and necessary strategy to maximize the chances of receiving continuing assistance and care;

*that in order to increase my chances of survival, it was an intelligent and necessary strategy to do what I could to please caregivers and to absolutely avoid angering them;

*that my feelings, my wishes, my happiness, my expectations was of little or no concern to others: it was the feelings, wishes, happiness and expectations of others that was important (in fact, this one was do deeply ingrained in my psyche that I myself seldom gave my own happiness, etc. the slightest thought); and

*that the anger of others is very, very dangerous.


And because of these "ancient" - almost instinctual - beliefs and strategies, I was - probably by the age of about 3 years old - a die-hard people-pleaser on steroids, living in fear of the anger of others.


And although there were healthy and positive aspects to my belief system that developed as I naturally grew, matured and developed into an adult, this unhealthy, fear-based belief system was still there with me, operating behind the scenes, and triggering more and more fear over the years. So that by my early twenties, my internal "storage tank" of unreleased fear was so filled - and perhaps even overflowing - that my body took action to do what I would not - could not - do at the time: it created a physical valve or vent in my right palm through which the toxin of fear could be released.

In short, I believe my body actually created the psoriasis "for me" in my right palm (away from vital organs) to serve as a kind of "release valve" through which the excess toxic fear energy could be safely released and bring the remaining fear energy in my body down to a lower and safer level. (In fact, I believe that my body's intelligence may have intentionally chosen to use my right hand for this purpose to minimize inconvenience to me as I am left-handed.)

And so, I cannot think of my psoriasis as having been an enemy to be defeated. For me, it will always be my long-misunderstood, unappreciated, and unfailingly devoted protector. And . . . friend.


When I understood what my psoriasis really was, and what my poor body had done to itself to protect me, I wept.

And for the first time in my life, I understood both in my heart and mind that my body had loved me. And worked tirelessly to protect me. All along. For so long. And with precious little care, attention or thanks from me.

And all that fear. And loneliness . . . all that sadness. All that working for decade after decade in dread of losing the breadcrumbs that had passed for love in my family. All that believing that my happiness did not matter to others or even to myself. And real love . . . unconditional love . . . had actually been right there with me all the time. I had never been alone and unloved. . . I just had never seen it . . .

And then I wept some more.


FOOD FOR THOUGHT (I'm looking at you, brilliant medical research types):

Might it be - that in some cases - psoriasis, as well as certain tumors and cysts - may have been formed defensively by the body to serve as protective receptacles for an overflow or buildup of certain toxic emotions (such as longstanding fear, grief or anger) that may have reached a potentially dangerous level in the body?